It's after midnight. I'm awake again -- two nights in a row with no sleep. My leg is hurting so bad I can barely stand on it. I've taken my Lyrica and my pain meds, and so far, no relief. When I lay down, the pain runs from my left buttock to the ball of my foot, and the last two toes on my left foot just throb. When I sit, I feel like I have a toothache running down my leg. Ok, that might not be the best way to say it, but it's the only way I can describe it.
The Doctor has assured me more than once that the surgery freed the nerve. He says what I am feeling now is nerve damage that will slowly get better. I believer that the pain is worse than it was before I had the surgery -- it fixed nothing.
I am not a weak person. I got through my hysterectomy surgery with almost no medicine at all - I was up walking in a matter of hours. I have survived my gall bladder out, and my appendix out. I have chronic pain in my neck and my family Doc says I have Fibromyalgia -- which causes wide spread pain around my body -- I think they say it's inflammation of the connective tissue. I live with that on a daily basis. This pain, I find myself thinking, I can't live with. I'm too tired to cry. I just want to sleep and forget about it for a little while. I'm so very glad I went through that back surgery. I'm glad I suffered through a summer of deep pain, a surgical wound that didn't want to heal, and an inability to enjoy even the most simple forms of fun with my kids. I feel lied to. I feel like giving up.
I'm sorry for whining, if anyone does stumble across this blog. I needed somewhere to vent my pain, and didn't want to cry all over my facebook page. I'm not looking for sympathy or even understanding. I just needed to vent.