Thursday, November 4, 2010

So glad I had surgery on my back ...

It's after midnight.  I'm awake again -- two nights in a row with no sleep.  My leg is hurting so bad I can barely stand on it.  I've taken my Lyrica and my pain meds, and so far, no relief.  When I lay down, the pain runs from my left buttock to the ball of my foot, and the last two toes on my left foot just throb.  When I sit, I feel like I have a toothache running down my leg.  Ok, that might not be the best way to say it, but it's the only way I can describe it.
The Doctor has assured me more than once that the surgery freed the nerve.  He says what I am feeling now is nerve damage that will slowly get better. I believer that the pain is worse than it was before I had the surgery -- it fixed nothing.
I am not a weak person.  I got through my hysterectomy surgery with almost no medicine at all - I was up walking in a matter of hours.  I have survived my gall bladder out, and my appendix out.  I have chronic pain in my neck and my family Doc says I have Fibromyalgia -- which causes wide spread pain around my body -- I think they say it's inflammation of the connective tissue.  I live with that on a daily basis.  This pain, I find myself thinking, I can't live with.  I'm too tired to cry.  I just want to sleep and forget about it for a little while.  I'm so very glad I went through that back surgery.  I'm glad I suffered through a summer of deep pain, a surgical wound that didn't want to heal, and an inability to enjoy even the most simple forms of fun with my kids. I feel lied to.  I feel like giving up.
I'm sorry for whining, if anyone does stumble across this blog.  I needed somewhere to vent my pain, and didn't want to cry all over my facebook page.  I'm not looking for sympathy or even understanding.  I just needed to vent.

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